For four years in Hangzhou, I frequently dreamed of bustling Bianjing, and saw myself back then, spirited and disdainful of all. Glory is but an illusion; thanks to my father-in-law's support, I often advanced further in my career than my peers, yet while in dream, I never understood the principle of shared prosperity and shared loss.
The Grand Empress Dowager passed away, and the court changed overnight. My father-in-law was forced to retire, and I was demoted to western Zhejiang. My wife, who had lived a life of honor, had never faced such calamity. Shortly after arriving in Hangzhou, she died of illness. My wife and I had a daughter, who was extremely filial. Despite the severity of my wife's illness, no one dared to approach and care for her, except for our young daughter, who disregarded all warnings and attended to her mother day and night. Unfortunately, heaven showed no mercy; less than half a month after my wife's passing, our daughter also succumbed to the epidemic.
The days spent in seclusion at Peach Blossom Isle seemed short, yet felt longer than half my life. After my daughter's illness, I stayed by her side every day, wishing I could catch the plague myself so our family could reunite in afterlife. Alas, fate was once again unkind.
For a long time after their departure, I focused solely on my duties, shutting myself away. A needle, a lamp, could drown me in sorrow. Until the following spring, when I took a boat across West Lake and saw from afar peach blossoms, floating on emerald waters, as if under Sanqing Mountain, in Peachspring Village.
It was then that I gradually realized that no one can have a life of constant success and perpetual joy. While I was immersed in grief, I waited hopelessly for good news from Bianjing. I hear of Liao People's frequent invasions at Yanmen Pass, court's increased taxes, yet never a document mentioning my name. I began to feel lost, wondering whether I should persist on the path of officialdom.
Back then, I had no answer. Do you still have the chance to find an answer for your life?